When parents file for divorce, one of their most challenging tasks as a couple involves telling their children about the news. Depending on how old their kids are, they will each go through a series of emotions that may make their coping mechanisms difficult to understand.
As parents, there is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing our own children in pain or struggling. However, there are things you can do that can help make them feel supported and understood. Four of them include:
Let them know it is not their fault
The beginning of divorce is often the hardest for children. Before you tell them about your break up, you and your ex should discuss ways to reassure your children that it was not their fault. Some of these can be as simple as:
Your mom and dad will both be happier if we divorce.
Our breakup is not your fault.
Our love for you will never change.
We will always have time for you.
We will remain a big part of your lives, separately.
By letting them know that they are not to blame, you can limit your children’s feelings of guilt and self-blame.
Acknowledge their feelings
Encourage honesty and openness by letting your children know that any feelings they express toward the divorce are valid. By being accepting of both their positive emotions and negative reactions, you can show your children that you hear and understand them.
Establish structure through routines
Your children can adjust to their new lives better if they have a clear routine. By showing consistency in their day-to-day activities, they can feel safer and more comfortable with the changes. One effective way to practice this is by discussing the parenting schedule with them and clarifying any questions they may have about it.
Ask for help if necessary
Asking for help will not only benefit your children, but yourself too. For instance, you can drop by your children’s school and ask their teacher how they are doing. Additionally, you can search for programs or divorce support groups for children that can help benefit their well-being and adjustment phase.
If at any time, you also feel overwhelmed, remember that it is okay to pause and seek some guidance too. Your source of strength can come from your family, close friends, or a professional therapist.
All good things take time
Moving on from your marriage is not just about you and your ex-spouse, but your children too. When you prioritize their needs and embrace their feelings, you help them understand that they do not need to hide their struggles from you — making their transition easier to manage.